"Who Threw That Leg of Liver?"

We were talking the other day about our Bermondsey parents using words in an amusing way. My father-in-law, Eddie Barrow, ran the bar at Guy’s Hospital, and had many comical phrases. My wife Lesley reminded me of some that are safe enough to tell.

Eddie’s view of a rude person was to “never expect more than a grunt from a pig.” When money was short he was “on the parish.” When he was flush he was happy to buy a few “sherbets.” Watching cricket on TV, a vicious bouncer smashed fearfully into the body of Surrey’s John Edrich. “That’ll stop him farting in church” said Eddie. His knowing explanation for a gross criminal act was that the perpetrator “probably had his shoe laces tied together too tight when he was young.” Towards the end of his life, when his illness advanced, Eddie spoke of going to “the underground sports in a wooden overcoat. Two clean shirts will see me out.”

The women had their own way with words. Lesley and sister Kaye’s mum, Winnie, on hearing about the future marriage of a girl asked, “What does she want to get herself iked up with him for?” To anybody hoping to get one over her, “Don’t come the old acid with me!” Muck about and you could “get the back of my hand.” On her daughters’ chatting: “If your shoes were made out of your tongue they would never wear out.”

Any slight to the family from an outsider and Kit Kingwell would “spit in his eye, the liberty taker.” Tantrums were met with, “Don’t get yourself all aereated!” If I was miserable and letting it show, I had “a face like a smacked bum.” Studying for A levels was fine, but dangerous because it involved “too much headwork.” Kit, like Winnie, had a philosophical take on marriage – “She might as well get a gun and shoot herself.”

My own dad, known as Danny, sometimes as Jimmy, but real name Arthur, is another phrase-maker. He worked for over fifty years in Smithfield Meat Market. Drop something on the floor today and he will ask the unanswerable question, “Who threw that leg of liver?” This possibly originated after a market porter dropped a heavy load and received a little verbal irony from his mates.

Money? As a kid in the sixties I was bemused by my dad. Home from Smithfield he described how a customer had “bunged him a tosheroon,” Sometimes it was “a dollar”, “half-a-nicker”, or a “nicker.” His tips rose with inflation, and by retirement he could be given a “flim,” or a “tenner,” and even a “score” for his troubles.

Markets bring people in unwanted touch with “The Law.”. I frequently heard from dad how so-and-so had been “at it,” and caught “bang to rights.” They might get a reprieve by offering the officer a “drop” or “a bit of dinner”, but mostly they ended up “nicked” and soon got their “cards” from the employer. Communicating with the police was tricky – best “keep your trap shut.” Too much talk and you were known as “old mouth and trousers.”